this year, i’ve gotten to know someone like me. the similarities are glaring… we did well in lower secondary, got into a so-called “special” programme, struggled with mental health, dropped out. the only difference is, he is a boy.
i think i am very, very lucky that i’m a girl. i remember the first time he texted me, saying, “I know it’s weird but I need to talk, if I’m left alone for too long I think I’ll crumble.” i barely knew who he was, only his name. he told me about how toxic his high school culture was, how lonely he felt. i am (largely) given the liberty to be as emotional as i want, express how i feel as much as i want. i’ve learnt that he isn’t so lucky.
this year, i’ve learnt to be a lot quieter. to keep most of my poisoned thoughts to myself. there are battles i need to learn how to fight on my own. when do you ask for help? when do you grit your teeth and deal with things yourself? i wonder if it’s better to explode or implode. i still can’t tell.
i hope i’ll have an answer soon.
a face in the crowd 