we went bouldering today, & i realised that i am very untrusting of my body / myself. i don’t trust myself enough to hold on, to let go, to shift my weight around without Falling. i am certain that it is / i am not capable enough, especially in the moment, and i am absurdly afraid of Falling, even when i know the probability of something truly bad happening is so minimal. lots of mental hurdles to get over with each and every move… lots and lots of shaky half-ascends.
but it is interesting to see my brain fog manifest itself in such a physical way. maybe… maybe i shall try again.
a face in the crowd 