!!! -> …

(…) i have been feeling particularly melancholic since wednesday. i can’t get out of bed, can’t eat much. the Bad Thoughts are creeping in, suggesting that i do all sorts of things to myself. i’m trying my best to fight them off.

(!!!) it is rather frightening because just a few days ago i was feeling so Euphoric. i stayed up all night reading and feverishly writing poetry. my mind was working so fast that when i closed my eyes, i could in my mind’s eye watch my thoughts visually, like i was watching a video in 5x speed. it was very peculiar.

this isn’t the first time this swing (?) has happened, but i’m still feeling very disturbed and worried that there is something really, really <wrong> with me. i wonder why i’m so afraid of being next to normal.

i’m hoping these intense feelings subside soon… i’m definitely going to take a walk tomorrow. :”)