there was so much noise today. i didn’t quite expect it to be there: the low grumbles, the murmuring, faint yet persistent. i thought it would go away but it didn’t. the noise morphed into growls and roars. loud, blaring sirens. banshee shrieks.
it is inevitable! i am getting better but the noise will never fade, at least not so soon. i am glad i can catch pieces of their conversation, that i know there is a reason for the restlessness of their whispers. you’re not good enough, they say. you’re inadequate.
(i must remember that i am not. imperfection isn’t the same as inadequacy. i am imperfect yet adequate.)
today was quiet but it was loud inside my Head. the sky was clear, there was no trace of the gloomy rain of yesterday (though! there was a Rainbow). today was beautiful but somehow i couldn’t appreciate it.
it is human nature to want to be accepted. to be loved. to be valued for what you have to offer. i must remember not to feel guilty about these feelings..! it is enough to just notice them, gently, and to redirect my thoughts. (there are an infinite things you don’t have. at the same time, there are an infinite things you do have.)
tomorrow will be a day of Change. i am not ready, but i will roll up my sleeves! i will face whatever is to come. there is no turning back now.
a face in the crowd 