i am typing feverishly, feeling the tears prickle in my eyes. you see, i don’t quite know how to feel about this day of Change. all i can focus on is the huge, gaping cracks in the ground as i wobble precariously at the edge. the noise is loud today: it was loud around me and even louder in my head. fear.
rejection is so difficult to deal with and it doesn’t ever seem to get tired of taunting me. it hurts, deeply. i can feel the pain deep in my gut. maybe my strong reaction to this new series of rejections reflects my lack of trust (in the universe, in God). i am a big believer of fate, of there being a plan laid out for me (or at least, that’s what i want to believe). but it is so incredibly difficult to trust in God when nothing is going the way you want it to go. the ground is shifting.
i thought X would make me happy, that God would let me do X. it didn’t work out, and so i prayed for Y. but Y is wrong too, it appears. i am feeling lost again. i hope i’m not too fragile for life…
but even as things change, and change, and change, i know that some things never will. look behind you, in the distance. your family and friends are cheering you on. look at the sky, at the clouds lazily drifting by. look at the waves gently lapping at the shore beneath you. maybe the view from the precipice isn’t so bad after all.
a face in the crowd 