march holidays! i dislike routine but at the same time, i don’t know what i’d do without it. i want to do everything and nothing. i want to sit at my desk and race through all my work, and go out and do things, and talk to people. but at the same time i want to lie in bed, drift in and out of sleep. i want to make origami mindlessly. watch unbreakable kimmy schmidt on netflix, head empty.
it feels like i have an infinite things to do (even if i don’t) and i’m not quite sure how to break everything down. sometimes i break my tasks down into the tiniest steps and still i am overwhelmed. i tell myself, 1) stand up. 2) walk to your desk. 3) pick up the pen. 4) write. it takes way more effort than it should. :•( but i will have to push myself if i want to win this battle someday.
not being told what to do means having to think of something to do by yourself. it’s scary to think (about anything at all) sometimes. but last year i succumbed to the illness. this year i will not do it again.
a face in the crowd 