i haven’t been writing lately because there are some things i’ve been avoiding thinking about. my heart has been bitter; i feel like it is squirming and writhing within my chest cavity. how do you think about something you’ve suppressed for so long, too long? i think i’ve forgotten why i’m hurting.
meanwhile, i’ve been enjoying these scattered, fleeting moments of happiness, when i wake up from a nice dream, when my sister laughs. when i spend time in the balcony, when i keep the laundry. when i find my old stuffed animal. when i watch my dad tend to the plants. there is so much pain and happiness in every given moment if i let myself feel it.
i’ve been very, very confused, and i know for sure that i’ll continue feeling this way, probably for a long time.
(This is how it works / You’re young until you’re not / You love until you don’t / You try until you can’t / You laugh until you cry / You cry until you laugh / And everyone must breathe / Until their dying breath / No, this is how it works / You peer inside yourself / You take the things you like / And try to love the things you took / And then you take that love you made / And stick it into some / Someone else’s heart / Pumping someone else’s blood / And walking arm in arm / You hope it don’t get harmed / But even if it does / You’ll just do it all again)
a face in the crowd 