just a little while more

i’ve been avoiding writing recently because my thoughts feel small and insignificant. sometimes i wonder why i bother to write about my battles when they are so incredibly trivial in the grand scheme of things. i think i feel a lot of guilt over writing about myself. i must remember that this is irrational, and that there is nothing wrong with having an outlet for your thoughts. there’s nothing wrong with focusing on yourself. that’s what i would tell a friend, and so that’s what i should be telling myself too.

i’m so glad it’s the last week of home-based learning, but i’m not so glad about the amount of work we have to do. i’m still really bad at completing tasks and just staring at my to-do list makes my head swim. there really is no reason for me to be this anxious, though, and i’m trying to convince myself that i’ll manage. i am counting down the days until the may holiday. just a couple more days left…

…but “a couple more days” feels strangely daunting as well.

it’s okay. i will break it down. one day at a time, one hour at a time. i will learn how to make things manageable for myself. i am trying to unlearn thinking in extremes. a couple of assignments ≠ needing to drop out. i am stronger than sick raeann and i will not let her take over.