across the road

yesterday, i left my home for the first time in… wow, eleven days! it was just so i could go to the supermarket/pet store across the road and pick up some things.

as i walked along the aisles, i felt a strange sensation that i have not felt in a while now. i felt like i was floating… my heart was beating quickly, oddly, and everything around me seemed so crisp and vivid and bright. maybe i am too used to the sanctuary that is my home. it was as if i was feeling afraid of being outside.

but it is likely that i’m overthinking it! the last time i was truly afraid of stepping out of our home was probably when i was thirteen… back when the floaty feelings were at its peak. but i don’t really have to deal with derealisation anymore. here’s a reminder that it is okay to feel strange during this strange period of self-quarantine! let yourself feel the Strangeness without guilt! you are human and it is normal to find yourself reacting (perhaps subconsciously) to change.

the news has been making my heart feel heavy, everyday i wait anxiously for the cna telegram notification to pop up on my phone. it is scary to know about what’s happening in the dorms, especially in sungei tengah lodge. these are people i have interacted with, and some of them are likely in the hospital now.

i pray that things get better soon, for us. for them, across the road. for everyone.