unpredictability

my illness ebbs and flows like the tide. tonight, i am doing well, which is nice! the nights usually are the worst, but not this time.

i don’t like that i need to focus on myself so much. i wish my energy could be spent on other things, on the people around me. there’s so much more i could do if my state of mind wasn’t so volatile and unpredictable. how do you fix something that is invisible?

here’s a reminder that while your pain is not your fault, your healing is your responsibility. while i am well i will radiate as much warmth and happiness as i can. and when i inevitably fall ill again, i will wait, patiently, for the cycle to renew.

Psalms 4:8 — I will lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

i will cling onto faith even as the waves of unpredictability come for me again, and again, and again.